you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
