I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
