2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I smell stomach acid.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
