We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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