Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
