yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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