If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
