i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
