I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
