we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
