dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The ass gains better be worth it
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