It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
