dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
