How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
