every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She bit a glass in half.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
