Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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