Rock
Scissors
Fuck
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
