Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
