so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
