There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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