you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
