I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
