Apparently you make a good broom.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
