I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
