somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
