She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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