Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
