just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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