Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
