what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
