Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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