onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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