i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
