my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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