Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
