Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
