I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
