you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
