dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
