I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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