so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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