He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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