I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
