Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
