i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
