what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
