Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
