One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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