a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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