i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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